I’ve been thinking a lot about email lately (and it turns out, so have a number of other people like TED’s Chris Anderson and Seth Godin).
I’ve been thinking about email not only because I have overflowing inboxes, but because I’ve realized that email is a tremendous source of daily guilt for me.
The guilt comes from wanting to be able to respond to everyone in a timely manner, but having these horrifying moments when I realize that somehow an entire week has gone by (or even two weeks or…oyyyyy…even a month) since someone emailed me. And there the email is, sitting in my inbox, waiting for me to hit reply.
I picture the person sitting on the other end of their computer, wondering why I haven’t responded yet.
I have been that person, waiting for a response from someone, making up reasons in my head for why they haven’t responded yet, like:
- They don’t like me
- I said something offensive
- I did something offensive
- Whatever I emailed them about isn’t important to them
- They aren’t really my friend after all
- They’re slacking off
- They’re busy
- Their inbox is overflowing
After ruminating about all of those potential reasons, the only ones that ever seem to turn out to actually be true are the last two.
Thinking about it a little further, the main reason I don’t reply back to people in a timely manner is a combo of being busy and having an overflowing inbox, plus something else: because I care about how I respond and get very few emails that can be responded to in just a couple of words, writing a thoughtful response takes time and a fairly significant amount of energy, both of which seem to be in diminishing supply.
In addition, to be totally honest, sometimes I end up rebelling against my inbox in favor of connecting with people in person. I know that email can help facilitate and initiate those in-person meetings, but at the same time, as the amount of time that I spend responding to email increases, the amount of time that I have for grabbing coffee with someone decreases dramatically.
Never mind that giving over huge chunks of my day to email means that I have almost no time to think and create things that will last much longer than the short-term firedrills that email creates.
I end up hating email because it takes me away from the things that matter.
I think everyone is getting to their breaking point. I’ve noticed that response times have been slowing down across all platforms – from email to Twitter to texting.
I used to get incredibly annoyed and think that people were really rude if they didn’t respond immediately when I texted them. Since everyone carried their cell phones around all the time, it seemed implausible that anyone would ever have a reason for waiting for hours before texting me back
And then one day I realized that I had let a whole day go by after I had received a text from a close friend, and I still hadn’t responded yet.
That was when I knew something was really going wrong.
Then I realized I hadn’t talked to my parents in almost two weeks.
And then I realized I hadn’t talked to a good friend in California for months, and the only time I ended up being able to catch up with her was while I was trapped on a five hour ferry boat ride in which my service kept cutting out because I was in the middle of the ocean.
I had to be in the middle of the ocean in order to finally find the time to talk to someone I care about a lot? There is something very, very wrong about that.
I really don’t like living a life where the most meaningful interactions are the ones that happen the least frequently.
And now that I think about, I can’t remember a single time when email alone has been the platform for a meaningful social interaction. It has helped facilitate interactions in other settings, but I don’t know that I’ve ever walked away from an email exchange thinking “man, that was powerful” and feeling incredibly fulfilled.
So, what do we do? There are days when I feel like I’m going to literally die under a pile of email. And I know that there are a lot others who feel the same way. But it seems like everyone feels stuck with it – like because we were given the tool, we have to use it and this is just our fate and the way that the world is.
I’m contemplating a few things that I might do to deal with this problem, but I’m not sure what exactly I’m going to do yet.
In the meantime, I’ll raise the white flag and say that if you don’t reply to an email of mine for a really long time, I’ll understand. I won’t assume that you are slacking. I will assume that what’s going on with you is the same thing that’s going on with me.
Let’s all have a little email mercy on each other.
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