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Fear of the Sophomore Album

I’ve realized over time that I’m usually not afraid the first time I do something.

At that point, I don’t have much to lose.

At that point, people are less likely to have expectations of me. If I’m awful, it won’t really matter.

If I fail, the only thing that can happen next is that I’ll get better.

When the fear really starts setting in though, is after the freshman effort.

It’s the curse of the artist who puts out an amazing first album.

Now that’s what everyone expects from them. Even if that first album took them ten years to make, the world expects them to deliver an outstanding sophomore album as a quick follow up. The bar has been set.

The fear of the sophomore album paralyzes people. And it makes them get away from the pure, organic artistry and creativity that drove them in the first place.  They test the merit of their ideas and their creations against the expectations and desires of others. The fact that people are paying attention now increases the threat of judgement.

Getting over this hump feels more difficult because it’s a surprise. You’ve proven that you can do something great, so it seems like it should be easy for you to do something great again. Your own expectation of ease added to the expectations of others can make creating anything feel impossible.

So what do you do?

You shut out those opinions as much as you can. You create what you would naturally feel compelled to create if you were free from expectation. You sit down and work. And before too much time passes you hit send. Or print. Or publish. You just go.

And if everyone hates it, so what. Your authenticity matters more. And you won’t be a sophomore for long.

 

The New Disparity Between Work and Life

There’s a new disparity between work and the rest of life.

In the past, the length of time that we expected to be in a job or a specific career was likely to match the timespan of the other commitments we wanted to make: we could plan to spend 30 years in a job, and also plan to spend 20 to 30 years paying for a house; 20 to 30 years raising kids; and 40 or more years in a marriage.

Planning in multi-decade increments felt comfortable because we could count on a job (and then some kind of retirement) to support us during that entire span of span of time.

Now, many of us still have those life goals (get married, own a home, have kids), but a lot fewer of us have a job or career that will be consistent over the same timespan. On average, people now stay in jobs for only 3 to 5 years, and that can be even shorter for Gen Y and for people involved in certain industries (like people in tech startups who seem to change jobs every six months to a year).

That leaves me with a question I haven’t quite found the answer to: how, exactly, are we supposed to go about making 20 to 30 year commitments to a house and raising kids when we can only see our future income six months, a year, or, at most, a couple years out?

 

Courage to Start

I’ve been thinking a lot more about something Seth Godin wrote about on his blog the other day, and that I’ve written about before too.

We often worry so much about whether our ideas are good enough, whether what we’re about to do is going to have an impact, that we never even bother to start.  We worry that whatever we do won’t be enough. 

But what if you forget about trying to get over all of your fears? What if you simply conjure up the courage to start? To take one step forward at building something, at creating art, at making the world better? 

That one step, it turns out, means something. In fact, it means a lot.

With that one step, it’s likely that you will inspire someone else to take a step forward themselves. You will give them the courage to start.

Your courage to take a small step creates a chain reaction of small steps. And those small steps add up to something big.  

Viva La Panel: My SXSW 2012 Picks

In addition to supporting the list of NY tech folks who submitted panels for SXSW and the list of amazing women in NY who submitted panel proposals as well, I also spent a few hours this morning searching for a few other panels that look like they might be worth saying “yay!” about and giving a big SXSW thumbs up.

Yes, I know that once SXSW gets started people often skip panels in favor of much more liquid pursuits, but since I began attending SXSW in 2010, there have been a number of panels and keynotes that have stuck with me and taught me things I could actually use and still refer to today. The Visual Notetaking 101 panel that Sunni Brown was on in 2010 helped me turn my doodling into something that gets a smile instead of a smirk from those sitting around me in a meetings. The insightful comments of the teenagers on a panel about teen use of Facebook and other social networking sites last year gave me a new point of reference for how teens see their online interactions. Dan Ariely’s mind opening talk about his book Predictably Irrational two years ago helped me see the way we make decisions completely differently.

So, I say Viva La Panel!

Here’s part of my thumbs up list:

Sorry if I missed you on the list…there were over 3,600 panels submitted this year – crazy! Feel free to add your session to the comments on this post if you want to share. Good luck everyone!

The Mystery Man

A NY Times story came out today featuring an interview of me talking about all of the good things Twitter has helped me find – including a boyfriend who remains a bit of a mystery in the story…

Me and Brian

That mystery man is the amazing Brian Quinn. I feel very, very lucky to have him in my life. And although I think there are a lot of women out there who would hope for this to be true, it’s not like I just sent one tweet and Brian appeared. That story – and the stories of how Twitter helped me find an apartment, a job, and so many other things – are a lot more complex than that. I’ll be sharing more of the intricacies of how all of that happened soon… : )

Regret Me Not Project Day 134: The Energy of a Conversation

In thinking about email the other day, I also started thinking about what makes a conversation a conversation and why communicating across different platforms – whether its email, Facebook, Twitter or in person – feels so different to me.

At its core, a conversation is an exchange of energy.

It makes me think of an exhibit they used to have at the Boston Museum of Science that I loved as a kid. It was a bike attached to a light bulb. If you got on the bike and began to peddle, the lightbulb would slowly light up. As long as you kept peddling, the light would stay on. 

I think of conversations the same way. The words back and forth between people are the flow of energy that keeps that lightbulb lit. The conversations that feel the best to me are the ones that generate enough momentum and energy to keep the bulb burning brightly. I walk away from those conversations feeling exhilarated and energized. 

That’s why I sometimes have a hard time feeling energized by conversations with people who are slow conversational responders: people who pause for a really, really long time before they say anything back. As I’m waiting for their response, the lightbulb starts to dim. 

Thinking about conversations this way also illuminates for me why I like Twitter so much better than email and Facebook. Email and Facebook are slow. They feel almost static in comparison to Twitter. There is little opportunity for the light bulb to even light up, never mind keep glowing. But with Twitter, the lightbulb can start to glow very quickly and then can glow brighter and brighter as more people join the conversation. 

Regret Me Not Project Day 133: Email Mercy

I’ve been thinking a lot about email lately (and it turns out, so have a number of other people like TED’s Chris Anderson and Seth Godin).

I’ve been thinking about email not only because I have overflowing inboxes, but because I’ve realized that email is a tremendous source of daily guilt for me.

The guilt comes from wanting to be able to respond to everyone in a timely manner, but having these horrifying moments when I realize that somehow an entire week has gone by (or even two weeks or…oyyyyy…even a month) since someone emailed me. And there the email is, sitting in my inbox, waiting for me to hit reply.

I picture the person sitting on the other end of their computer, wondering why I haven’t responded yet.

I have been that person, waiting for a response from someone, making up reasons in my head for why they haven’t responded yet, like:

  • They don’t like me
  • I said something offensive
  • I did something offensive
  • Whatever I emailed them about isn’t important to them
  • They aren’t really my friend after all
  • They’re slacking off
  • They’re busy
  • Their inbox is overflowing

After ruminating about all of those potential reasons, the only ones that ever seem to turn out to actually be true are the last two.

Thinking about it a little further, the main reason I don’t reply back to people in a timely manner is a combo of being busy and having an overflowing inbox, plus something else: because I care about how I respond and get very few emails that can be responded to in just a couple of words, writing a thoughtful response takes time and a fairly significant amount of energy, both of which seem to be in diminishing supply.

In addition, to be totally honest, sometimes I end up rebelling against my inbox in favor of connecting with people in person. I know that email can help facilitate and initiate those in-person meetings, but at the same time, as the amount of time that I spend responding to email increases, the amount of time that I have for grabbing coffee with someone decreases dramatically.

Never mind that giving over huge chunks of my day to email means that I have almost no time to think and create things that will last much longer than the short-term firedrills that email creates.

I end up hating email because it takes me away from the things that matter.

I think everyone is getting to their breaking point. I’ve noticed that response times have been slowing down across all platforms – from email to Twitter to texting.

I used to get incredibly annoyed and think that people were really rude if they didn’t respond immediately when I texted them. Since everyone carried their cell phones around all the time, it seemed implausible that anyone would ever have a reason for waiting for hours before texting me back

And then one day I realized that I had let a whole day go by after I had received a text from a close friend, and I still hadn’t responded yet.

That was when I knew something was really going wrong.

Then I realized I hadn’t talked to my parents in almost two weeks.

And then I realized I hadn’t talked to a good friend in California for months, and the only time I ended up being able to catch up with her was while I was trapped on a five hour ferry boat ride in which my service kept cutting out because I was in the middle of the ocean.

I had to be in the middle of the ocean in order to finally find the time to talk to someone I care about a lot? There is something very, very wrong about that.

I really don’t like living a life where the most meaningful interactions are the ones that happen the least frequently.

And now that I think about, I can’t remember a single time when email alone has been the platform for a meaningful social interaction. It has helped facilitate interactions in other settings, but I don’t know that I’ve ever walked away from an email exchange thinking “man, that was powerful” and feeling incredibly fulfilled.

So, what do we do? There are days when I feel like I’m going to literally die under a pile of email. And I know that there are a lot others who feel the same way. But it seems like everyone feels stuck with it – like because we were given the tool, we have to use it and this is just our fate and the way that the world is.

I’m contemplating a few things that I might do to deal with this problem, but I’m not sure what exactly I’m going to do yet.

In the meantime, I’ll raise the white flag and say that if you don’t reply to an email of mine for a really long time, I’ll understand. I won’t assume that you are slacking. I will assume that what’s going on with you is the same thing that’s going on with me.

Let’s all have a little email mercy on each other.

Regret Me Not Project Day 132: Interview with Catharina Bruns of workisnotajob.

Yay! Today I’m soooooo excited to feature an interview I did recently with Catharina Bruns who runs workisnotajob., a concept and design studio that not only does outstanding design work but also serves up amazing doses of inspiration and loving kick-in-the-pants reminders of what’s truly important.

I had been following Catharina on Twitter for a while, and finally got the opportunity to meet her while we were both working out of the Loosecubes headquarters the other week.  We got into a discussion about a blog post I had just written about the strange habit of people to compete with each other over prizes that don’t actually matter that much (like having more Facebook friends than anyone you know). Cath had some really interesting things to say about what motivates her, so I asked her if I could interview her, and these are her thoughtful responses. 

Me: We were talking the other day about people being motivated by somewhat arbitrary prizes (like having more Twitter followers than someone else or earning more money) – you said that those things never really cross your mind as motivators. Since those aren’t factors, what does drive you? 

Cath: I just strongly believe that we all should contribute to the world by living our individual talents and make things that we feel passionate about happen. We should use this life to satisfy ourselves with our work and help others along the way. I don’t understand how it is motivating to look at other people’s achievements. I personally don’t see competitors, I only learn from other and see the  work I want to do. And to do the work and the challenge to create my own path and fulfill a purpose – constantly motivates me. 

Me: Do you think you’ve been motivated by the same things as a kid or has that changed over time? 

Cath: Well, I certainly didn’t call it “work” back then but I always thought that I need to “do something” to express myself and loved it when others were interesting in the way they were doing stuff. I was so busy with trying to understand the world and how I make sense in all this – I am obviously still learning and think if you do the work you love (aka do something that leads to something you can work with) it really helps you to understand your purpose. And motivation I think has a lot to do with knowing your purpose.

Me: You mentioned when we were talking that you are able to be authentically excited for someone else’s success. A lot of people have trouble with that. What is your philosophy or approach to life that allows you to celebrate the success of others so easily? 

Cath: This might not be an exciting answer but: Firstly, there is room for everyone. The more people do interesting things, the better. But also: It just doesn’t even occur to me that other people’s success etc is in relation to my own journey.  Clearly, everyone has their own background, reasons, gifts and challenges and to compare your dreams, achievements or your struggles with someone else in the world is to do a disservice to the uniqueness of both of you. I love when people work on what they love and get rewarded for their work – I want to encourage everyone to be on that journey and even if you don’t aspire to do great things, I think you should! I think to do what you individually can is crucial for the greater good,  so go and live your dream already. And you better not compare yourself to others on the way because even if it seems someone else’s life path is similar to yours, it is not. I wish you great success!

Me: There is more emphasis now on finding work that is directly connected to your passion. Do you feel like you have a definitive passion? If so, when did you discover what it was and what was the process like to get there? 

Cath: I am convinced that the things that come naturally to you, that make hours pass like minutes, that make you feel alive – that is where your passion lies. As anyone else, I am very passionate about some stuff and pretty ignorant to a lot of other things. I actually believe, indifference is as important as passion. To actively explore the areas that you feel passionate about sometime seem to be in conflict with what society suggests you should pursue and what’s “realistic”- that’s why a lot of people end up in jobs they hate, spend money they don’t have and do things that kill their spirit.  So we need to ask ourselves in who’s reality do we want to live in? We need to realize that we don’t have to be what other people expect us to be and that we don’t have to comply with other people’s structure. I do what I love because I believe, anything else is not right for me and not helpful for anyone else either. When I freed myself from the thought I had to “work they way the world works” and learned to embrace my own way of doing things, I was able to pursue my passion. 

Can You Kick It? – Making Kickstarter Projects Come to Life

I love Kickstarter.

Having spent many years writing grants and trying to find funding for non-profit projects, I realize how much of a gap there is in funding available for small projects or projects that don’t meet grant guidelines, but are still providing something inspiring, or moving, or even life-changing.

I’m excited to be working on an event that is highlighting some of those types of projects, but instead of just experiencing the projects online, we’re providing an opportunity to get to meet the people behind the projects in person.

Kick It! – Ideas in Action is happening in Brooklyn on May 21. It’s a chance to see the genius and creativity of people in the New York community and support their work.

If you’re in New York, you should come by. It will be interesting and fun and you’ll probably leave pretty inspired.

Regret Me Not Project Day 129: Let’s Just Carpe Diem

Carpe Diem. Seize the Day. 

I don’t know that I’ve ever met anyone who lives that phrase as much as my friend Jonathan does. 

We were talking about going to see Bill Cunningham New York and I was hedging a bit on when we should go, playing over my calendar in my mind. “Let’s just carpe diem,” he said. “And go tonight.” 

I brought over some turnip greens and carrots and baby bok choy from my urban farming apprenticeship and was all ready to hand them off for him to cook later and instead he said: “Let’s just cook them now.” I told him I didn’t know what to do with them. At which point he promptly started heating up a frying pan with garlic and oil and told me that he didn’t either. 

I was complaining about being out of shape on Saturday and we started talking about playing tennis. I said: “We should think about doing that.” He said: “Let’s do it. Let’s get it on the calendar” And now we’re going to look at tennis rackets tomorrow. 

Ever since I started my Regret Me Not Project back in September, I’ve been moving more and more in the direction of just doing things, of seizing opportunity without fear.

But what I noticed around Jonathan is that I still use a different vocabulary then he does. My “we should” is his “let’s do it.” My “later” is his “now.

I still need to find more of a vocabulary for seizing the day. Thank you Jonathan, for helping me learn a new language.

All of Jonathan’s seizing the day leads to some pretty cool projects like events at Lab 24/7 , the upcoming Kick It! event and the soon to be launched Artseeka. You can find him on Twitter @jzlandau

An amazing piece by Catharina Bruns at  Work is Not a Job

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