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Author Archives: jessicahlawrence

A Morning with Meaning

We often get up in the morning and immediately jump into where we left off the night before: we flip open our laptops (or even just roll over and grab our phones) and dive back into email or whatever windows we left open on our computer. The problem with this (as I’ve written about before) is that often times hours can go by and then we realize that we haven’t actually gotten anything of any importance done.

I started an experiment a couple of weeks ago to see what would happen if I didn’t look at my inbox until I had done at least 3 hours of real work. This practice worked great – I got way more work done and still took care of what I needed to in terms of responding to email. I deviated sometimes, especially when the work I needed to do was related to the emails I had waiting for me, and it was a struggle to constantly remind myself to adopt this new practice, but it proved to me how much we get sucked into to doing things that make us feel busy.

Doing the email experiment connects with something else I started thinking about earlier in the summer. I had been thinking about the few things I can do in a short amount of time each morning that have the highest ROI. My thought was that if I can make my day meaningful in the first hour that I’m awake, then on the days when things seem to spiral out of control, I don’t end the day feeling like it was a waste.

So I’ve been experimenting now with a high meaning, high ROI morning. It’s a combination of the things we know have the highest impact on our overall well-being, our creativity, and our ability to contribute something meaningful to the world. And it takes less than an hour.

  1. Do 10 push-ups and 50 situps (less than 5 minutes). It may not seem like much, but at least it is something. At least I get up and get my body moving. Doing this small amount of exercise motivates me towards doing more and on the days I do this, I feel better.
  2. Write Morning Pages (10 – 15 minutes, sometimes a little longer). This is the morning mind dump. Whatever you woke up worrying about, whatever you’ve got on your mind, falls out onto the page. Morning pages is a concept I learned through Julia Cameron‘s book The Artist’s Way. In the traditional way, you write 3 pages by hand of literally anything that comes to mind. If you need a more modern way (because writing by hand can be painfully slow), I use 750words.com.  No one is going to see what you write. It’s your way of clearing your mind at the start of your day.
  3. Meditate (10 minutes). I used to shy away from meditation because I associated it with freewheeling hippies who didn’t shower, always smelled like patchouli, and had an unrealistic view of the world. But the research is there that meditation is absolutely one of the best things you can do for yourself mentally and physically. It reduces stress. It helps you handle the ups and downs of a day. It teaches you a skillset that you don’t really learn anywhere else. My favorite way of meditating in the morning is with Susan Piver as my guide – she is the one who helped me realize that meditation is not just hooka-hooka stuff for hippies. You can follow ten-minute guided meditations as part of her Open Heart Project. 
  4. Create something (1o to 30 minutes or longer). This is something that stuck with me from a post on Leo Babauta’s blog about creating a profound workday. We are really good a filling our days with doing, but not so good at filling our days with creating. If you start each day by creating something – writing a helpful blog post, taking a photograph, even drawing a little sketch – the day feels different because you’ve already added something meaningful.

Courage to Start

I’ve been thinking a lot more about something Seth Godin wrote about on his blog the other day, and that I’ve written about before too.

We often worry so much about whether our ideas are good enough, whether what we’re about to do is going to have an impact, that we never even bother to start.  We worry that whatever we do won’t be enough. 

But what if you forget about trying to get over all of your fears? What if you simply conjure up the courage to start? To take one step forward at building something, at creating art, at making the world better? 

That one step, it turns out, means something. In fact, it means a lot.

With that one step, it’s likely that you will inspire someone else to take a step forward themselves. You will give them the courage to start.

Your courage to take a small step creates a chain reaction of small steps. And those small steps add up to something big.  

The Best One Word Question

I realized recently how much I do out of routine.

The routine of my own habits.

The routine of other people’s expectations.

So I started asking myself a question every day.

Many, many times throughout the day.

It’s the best question ever.

And it’s only one word.

Why?

Why am I about to RSVP to this event?

Why am I setting up this meeting?

Why am I feeling bummed out right now?

But I don’t let myself end there.

I’ll follow it up by asking again: “no, really, why?

If it’s a complicated why, sometimes I’ll draw it out – create a little diagram that looks like the expanding roots of a tree. I’ll keep asking myself “why?” until I get to the real answer.

My questioning of myself isn’t about passing judgment. It’s about understanding motivation.

Because understanding motivation is the key to helping me separate out what’s truly important from what’s not.

I’ll Take My 15 Minutes Back

Your meeting ended earlier than you expected.

Your conference call didn’t take as long as you thought.

You find yourself on the train for a commute that is taking a little longer than usual.

The dentist is late finishing up with the patient before you.

You’ve got 15 minutes.

What are you going to do with that time?

For me, those are the times when the guilt sets in, when I think I should be doing something “productive.”

And productivity experts would be quick to jump in and give me tips on how to make the most out of that time – how those little pockets of 15 minutes throughout the day can lead to getting a lot more done.

But I find it kind of ridiculous that we’ve come to believe that we have to fill every nook and cranny of our day with doing something.

If we can’t give ourselves the fifteen minutes in the waiting room at the dentist or the five minutes in line at the grocery store to just chill out instead of sending emails or making a phone call, then we’re doing something wrong.

We’re doing too much. And we’re focusing too much on productivity techniques being the trash compactors of lives – squishing as much as possible into the small space we’ve got in a day.

If productivity is supposed to about getting more of my life back, then I’ll take my 15 minutes back.

And gladly do nothing but stare out the window.

How Much Do You Do?

I’m not quite sure when we became so obsessed with how much we do…and how much we do compared to others.

Maybe it started in high school, when we somehow adopted the belief that it was good to aspire to be the person who was in every club photo in the yearbook, smiling out from the page in the shot of the soccer team, the newspaper staff, the French club, the National Honor Society, the Peer Advisors group, the dance team.

Even now, I’ve been in conversations with a group of people and after one person has introduced himself with the long list of things he does (I founded a tech company, I’m virtuoso violinist, and I help build schools in Africa), another person in the group, who doesn’t have such a long list, inevitably introduces himself by saying “I’m just a writer.” Or a teacher. Or an office manager.

I’m just…

Since when does only doing one thing require us to add a self-deprecating modifier?

Doing as much as we can has turned into a competitive sport.

We have been primed to believe that “more” is more interesting. That a jack of all trades is more interesting than a master of one. Why? I think in part because we perceive it to be more difficult to both be an entrepreneur and a violinist, for example, then to be only one or the other. That perception of heightened difficulty turns being a master of “more” into something we covet and therefore something we celebrate.

But it’s the classic “more is better” trick. And we’ve been falling for it all our lives.

In the end though, I don’t think it’s a matter of whether more is bad or good – it can be both.  It’s a matter of why we’re choosing more. If we’re choosing it to impress others, to fulfill a societal quota that we think will make us seem more desirable and successful, then we’re doing it wrong.

The Email Experiment Day 2

Ah, the irony. Yesterday I wrote a post about the email experiment I’m starting to find a better way to deal with my overflowing inboxes…and then I was notified that my post had been selected to be featured on FreshlyPressed (the WordPress.com homepage)…and my inbox began overflowing like never before.

I didn’t see this as a bad thing though – getting notices that people were liking my post and leaving me comments meant that people were interested in exchanging thoughts and ideas with me, which is a good thing. I see responding to blog comments as work that means something, which is somewhat different than a fair amount of standard email work.

So how did the first day of my experiment go? I loved my 3-hour head start. I stayed out of my inbox, other than one quick glance at my work inbox to see if a time-sensitive email I had been waiting for came in. I got a big project done I had been procrastinating on and got some other work done that would have taken me twice as long to complete if I had been popping in and out of my inbox simultaneously.

I’ve been doing the same thing this morning, and so far so good – I just finished another big project. I did have to look at and respond to a couple of emails, but I actually surprised myself with how disciplined I could be in just looking at those emails and not getting sucked into to responding to more.

My conclusion so far: even when we think that we can handle flipping back and forth between email, Twitter, Facebook etc. while also working on a project, we can’t. And everything ends up taking about four times as long when you try to do it all once.

That sentiment is echoed in a post on Tim Ferriss’ blog (thanks to a number of comments from yesterday pointing me in that direction), which was actually written by one of my favorite bloggers, Leo Babauta (of ZenHabits). Leo’s post gives some great tips for dealing with email. Enjoy!

 

 

Viva La Panel: My SXSW 2012 Picks

In addition to supporting the list of NY tech folks who submitted panels for SXSW and the list of amazing women in NY who submitted panel proposals as well, I also spent a few hours this morning searching for a few other panels that look like they might be worth saying “yay!” about and giving a big SXSW thumbs up.

Yes, I know that once SXSW gets started people often skip panels in favor of much more liquid pursuits, but since I began attending SXSW in 2010, there have been a number of panels and keynotes that have stuck with me and taught me things I could actually use and still refer to today. The Visual Notetaking 101 panel that Sunni Brown was on in 2010 helped me turn my doodling into something that gets a smile instead of a smirk from those sitting around me in a meetings. The insightful comments of the teenagers on a panel about teen use of Facebook and other social networking sites last year gave me a new point of reference for how teens see their online interactions. Dan Ariely’s mind opening talk about his book Predictably Irrational two years ago helped me see the way we make decisions completely differently.

So, I say Viva La Panel!

Here’s part of my thumbs up list:

Sorry if I missed you on the list…there were over 3,600 panels submitted this year – crazy! Feel free to add your session to the comments on this post if you want to share. Good luck everyone!

The Email Experiment Day 1: The 3-Hour Head Start

Back in June, I wrote a post called Email Mercy. I talked about how giving over huge chunks of my day to email means that I have almost no time to think and create things that will last much longer than the short-term firedrills that email creates. And I lamented that I really don’t like living a life where the most meaningful interactions are the ones that happen the least frequently.

At the end of the post I said I was going to do something to start tackling the issue, but I wasn’t sure what it was yet. Two months later, I’m still not sure, but after having many more freakouts about how email is causing slow death, I’m finally going to start experimenting to see if I can figure out any solutions that will bring a little peace to my inbox and help me get back to  the important stuff. 

So here we go with Day 1. For the next few days I’m going to experiment with one of the most common suggestions I’ve read for dealing with you inbox: don’t check your email until noon. But I’m going to tweak it just a bit, because for those of us who work from home and may end up working until 3 or 4 in the morning sometimes, noon would be the equivalent of 9 am, which would basically mean we would still be getting out of bed and practically jumping right into email.

So instead, I’m going to call this the 3-Hour Head Start: no reading email until I have at least three hours of work on projects each day. If I have meetings during that period, those count as “work other than email.” Most of my meetings and conference calls have a specific purpose and allow me a chance to connect with someone, so I’m going to let them exist in that 3-Hour Head Start space for now. 

Approaching my day this way makes a lot of sense for a couple of reasons:

  • From a neuroscience perspective, I’ll be taking care of the most important thinking tasks (projects that require my full attention) when my brain is fresh and energized, not when it is drained from staring at email.
  • I’ll be able to concentrate on actually getting key projects done because I won’t be responding to the firedrills email creates, pulling me in a million different directions. 
This already feels like it might be a little bit difficult…my fingers are twitching to get into my inbox…I think because it turns out that I have a slightly strange relationship with email: I get incredibly frustrated trying to deal with it on one hand, but on the other hand I think I subconsciously know that I can use it as a a very helpful procrastination tool if I’m a little too tired to deal with real work. 
Well, here it goes…off to not check my inbox…

Regret Me Not Project Day 135: Actionable Empathy

I didn’t really understand how important dedicated bike lanes were until I tried riding a bike in a part of the city that doesn’t have them.

I didn’t understand how crappy the software was that some of my staff had to use every day until I sat down and spent a few hours trying to use it myself.

It wasn’t that I hadn’t been empathetic about these situations in the past. I always thought bike lanes were a good idea. And I certainly listened to my team when they complained about their software.

But I didn’t really, truly understand deep down in my gut until I actually became the biker and the software user.

Before, I simply had empathy.

After, I had actionable empathy – empathy that would move me to do something, to fix something, or to at least be prepared to shout my support instead of keeping it quietly to myself.

 

 

Facebook Makes Me Feel Like Crap

A nice piece by Stephanie Rosenbloom came out in the New York Times today about the ways in which people are managing the growing number tools we have to connect with each other online.

It was fun for me to included in the piece, especially because being interviewed kickstarted a lot of thinking for me about which platforms I use and why.

It comes down to this:

Twitter makes me feel good, so I use it.

Facebook makes me feel like crap, so I don’t.

As Stephanie mentions in the article, I’ve boiled down my personal social media use decision making to one simple question: will it enhance my life?

Twitter gives me constant positive experiences on almost a daily basis: not only did it help me find the big things in my life (my job, an apartment, and my boyfriend – more on that whole story in an upcoming post), but it has helped me with small things too, from finding a mover to deciding which museum to visit on a rainy day.

Facebook just doesn’t do that for me. I get done with a session of scrolling through Facebook and not only do I feel like an hour of my life was just sucked into a black whole, but I usually also end up feeling worse about myself then I did when I got on.

When I really think about it, other than reconnecting me with a few key friends from my past and giving me occasional warm fuzzies over a baby or a cute puppy, Facebook really hasn’t done anything to enhance my life.

And apparently I’m not the only one who feels that way. In conversations I’ve been having over the past few days, as the words “Facebook makes me feel like crap” cross my lips, I’ve seen lights of recognition going off in the faces of the people I’m talking to. They’ve felt the same way, but couldn’t pinpoint it and didn’t know how to explain it.

Here’s why I think Facebook may make us feel like crap:

  1. It isn’t useful. It has never helped me solve a problem, answer a question, find something I’m looking for, or meet someone new.
  2. It’s too slow. I like conversations that feel like growing surges of energy, and that usually only happens when people respond back and forth quickly. Facebook to me is like watching a tennis match in which someone lobs the ball over the net and the other person just sits there and stares at it for a few hours before hitting the ball back, if they even decide to hit it back at all.
  3. It’s a socially acceptable form of bragging. Even when people are well-intentioned and are really meaning to share and not brag, sharing can end up feeling like bragging to the reader, just like a never ending Christmas update letter. Facebook’s slowness and lack of usefulness seem to amplify how much sharing starts to feel like bragging. I think what usually ends up making people feel like crap is that when they get off Facebook they feel like they just spent a lot of time finding out how inferior and less awesome their life is compared to everyone else’s. The picture isn’t accurate, but it feels crappy nonetheless.

I say all of this not to dissuade people from using Facebook. In fact, if Facebook makes you feel good, go for it.

But that’s exactly my point. Sometimes we start using these tools because we feel like we have to. And other than a few business cases where it may make sense to be on a platform you don’t love so much in order to reach your customer base, the majority of the time, what makes the most sense is to use a platform you like and that enhances your life and makes you feel good.  At their best, online social platforms facilitate and amplify building connections, both online and off. In the end, what we’re all actually striving for are meaningful relationships that help us have meaningful lives, so use the tools that help you do that.

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